I'm not a man-hater; I'm just done staying quiet
- Beth Caldwell
- 4 days ago
- 3 min read
Occasionally, I receive feedback from women accusing me of being a “man-hater.” Even though it's not true, it still surprises me. To be completely honest, it is hurtful and upsetting. I take comments like that seriously, though, and I take time to reflect.
When something like this comes up, I ask myself: What did I say that might have led someone to believe that I hate men?
Because that’s absolutely not true. I have incredible men in my life. I’ve raised sons, collaborated with male colleagues, and been supported by brilliant, kind men throughout my career.
So why does this perception come up?
Maybe it’s because I speak up about things that make people uncomfortable.
Here are just a few of those things:
• Sexual harassment in the workplace
• Mansplaining, manipulation, and gaslighting
• Posturing and power plays
• Domestic violence and abuse
• The judgment women face for their financial situation when they’ve been abandoned by a partner
• The invisible workload of women
I also advocate for more mindful language. For example, I encourage people to pay attention to what they say out loud, because words matter. The way we frame things shapes how we see the world — and how we treat one another.
I also advocate for more mindful language. For example, I encourage people to pay attention to what they say out loud, because words matter. The way we frame things shapes how we see the world — and how we treat one another.
Here are a few phrases I often challenge:
➞ Instead of “single mom,” say “fatherless child” or “a child being raised by one parent.”
➞ Instead of “she's too emotional,” say “she’s passionate about this topic.”
➞ Instead of “she’s aggressive,” say “she’s assertive and confident.”
Sometimes, in my presentations about productivity or how to shift your life From Frantic to Focused, I’ll remind women: “Men don’t do that.” I’m referring to things like writing long apology emails, over-explaining, or asking permission to rest.
Is that what makes people think I hate men?
The first time this happened, I was so stunned that I said nothing. But now, when someone says, "Hey, why do you hate men?", I respond with a calm and curious, “What makes you say that?”
So far, it’s only happened twice.
And guess what? Both women paused and said, “I don’t really know. It’s just a feeling I got from you.”
And both apologized.
What people think of me matters. I care deeply about how I show up, how I lead, and how I’m received. And I’m always willing to improve.
My friend Wendy White is always saying, “If you’re not upsetting someone, you’re not doing your job.” That may be true, but it offers me little comfort. I don’t want to upset people. I want to awaken them.
Over time, I’ve come to realize that when someone feels uncomfortable with my words, it’s often because they’re wrestling with truths they haven’t yet fully acknowledged. I can hold space for that too.
But honestly, it’s hard for me to ignore. The women who have accused me of hating men often carry a deep, unresolved resentment toward men themselves. And instead of voicing it, they’ve projected that anger onto the woman who dared to say out loud what they’ve been holding in.
I see that now. And it doesn’t make me angry.
It makes me more committed than ever to creating space for honest, healing conversations.
I know that not everyone will agree with me. That’s okay. What matters most is that we keep growing, keep noticing, and keep having conversations that move us forward.
That’s how healing happens.
That’s how culture changes.
One honest voice at a time. -Beth Caldwell
Beth Caldwell is a popular self-help author from the United States and the founder of Circle for Women Worldwide.
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